It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
