Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
