I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
