somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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