Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
