Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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