im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize