You're my little dorito
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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