I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
