You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
