my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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