I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
