We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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