this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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