i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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