ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
