I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
