we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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