its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she smelled like a LAN party
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
