Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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