you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
