when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
