I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
