Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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