i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Come back. Shots need mouths.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
