if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
