lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
