your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
