Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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