that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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