The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
