Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
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