So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
