It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Is that strawberry winking at me??
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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