i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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