I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
