I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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