i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hippo gnu deer
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
