Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
