Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
