the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
