dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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