thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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