Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
either way he was missing a nipple.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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