I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize