News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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