she was so not down for the gang bang
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
