Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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