oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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