ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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