you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
