names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
