Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
