I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
