I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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