i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
