did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
