Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
