I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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