Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
