Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
