One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
