she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
