I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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