saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
