it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
