i think my mom watched the whole time
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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