i was born a porn star she said
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
